DISCLAIMER: Like Doki Doki Literature Club!, this article will deal with disturbing and upsetting themes some may not be comfortable with. If you are easily upset or triggered by certain distressing topics, this article may not be for you.
In 2017, Doki Doki Literature Club! spread across the internet like wildfire after becoming the next big thing on the indie gaming scene. Reminiscent of Undertale and Pony Island for its style of horror and tendency to break the fourth wall, this intense psychological horror posing as a simple dating simulator was shaping up to be something truly special. And it was, mainly for its uniqueness and the fact that it offered a multitude of inventive and genuinely frightening scares that really got under the skin. But for me, it went beyond that. This game immediately shot up through the ranks of my favourite games, planting itself firmly in my top ten games ever made, which probably comes as much a surprise to you as it did to me at the time. Initially, I didn't intend to play the game at all. I was content to watch a let's play on YouTube and only at the behest of a friend did I stop watching before it got to the good stuff. I downloaded the game and dove in eagerly, unaware of the beautifully horrifying journey that awaited me.
At this time, I had more or less missed the boat when it came to unique indie horror games that broke the fourth wall and tried to mess with the player directly. I was aware of their existence and how some of them could even tamper with your PC and their own game files, but it's not something I had ever experienced first-hand outside of Undertale's incorporation of saving and loading as an actual in-game mechanic. In a horror setting, these elements were sure to scare the pants off of me. I still remember one of the most subtle yet effective scares, where a brief letter appears onscreen bearing the words, "Can you hear me?" before clicking away causes a female voice to giggle in the background. It doesn't sound like much, but after an hour or two of eerie, atmospheric horror-and the fact that I was sitting alone in a dark room with headphones on-it made for a very unsettling experience. By the end, I came away with a great affection for the game and its characters, as well as its surprisingly interesting story that was only expanded upon in its re-release, Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! Not only had it been a thoroughly one-of-a-kind experience, but it also happened to come along at a time when I really needed it. For all its disturbing depictions of gore and suicide, it had a lot of love to offer its players, as well.
All That Matters
2017 was a strange year for me. I've always been quite a lonely person, even if I rarely would have admitted that fact in the past. I would tell myself that I liked being alone, that I didn't need the baggage of companionship or an active social life. To an extent, that much was and still is true. I enjoy my alone time more than a lot of people. Often, I'm just as happy sitting at home alone with my PlayStation or watching Netflix as I would be going to the bar with friends. But nobody is immune to loneliness, at least not in my experience. When Doki Doki Literature Club! first launched, I could feel my loneliness creeping up on me and I often found myself longing for more. Sex, romance, whatever the case may be, I was unfulfilled across the board. As well as that, I was working in a job that I despised for not very much money. It wasn't a good time. When I played Doki Doki Literature Club! for the first time, I found myself genuinely caring immensely for Sayori, the main character's childhood friend. She serves as something of a companion for the player throughout Act 1 of the game, and towards the end of said Act she will present the player with a choice to either remain friends or become romantically involved with her. Up to this point, I had been attempting to woo Yuri, but Sayori had a special place in my heart just from how endearing and likeable she had been since the game's beginning. She also previously opened up about her struggle with depression and how it was majorly impacting her life, the first moment where it became clear that maybe this wasn't just a simple dating simulator after all.
I told her that I loved her and decided to go forward with her as the main character's romantic interest. In my innocence, I forgot that I was playing a horror game, and I also failed to remember the disclaimer at the game's beginning about how it deals with themes of depression and suicide, amongst other things. Sayori's death at her own hands hit me particularly hard and I burst into tears. The game's creator, Dan Salvato, explained it best. After achieving the secret ending, a letter from Salvato greets the player after the credits, and one line in particular hypothesises that those who play dating sims are perhaps experiencing feelings that life has not been kind enough to offer them. I hadn't played any dating sims before this, which might explain why Sayori's death hit me significantly harder than it hit most people. I think, for a while there, this game and the main character's relationship with his childhood friend spoke to the loneliness in me and the hunger for companionship. Is it possible to actually love a fictional character? I don't know. But I sure cared a lot for Sayori during an increasingly affection-starved period of my life, and walking in on her after committing suicide felt like I really had lost someone close to me.
Being as taken with the game as I was after finishing it, I decided to go for the secret ending I had heard was hidden in there somewhere, motivated by the chance of uncovering more of the game's secrets as well as the desire to just spend more time with these characters I had grown so attached to. This time around, the ending was much more optimistic. Instead of Sayori becoming sentient and dangerously obsessive, she thanks the player for spending so much time with everyone, and she says she will miss you before asking you to visit sometime. Once the credits have reached their end, the aforementioned letter from Dan Salvato appears. Upon reading it, I started to realise why Doki Doki Literature Club! had had such an effect on me, and its place in my top ten games of all time was feeling a lot more justified. It's a game that might not be for everyone, but it was there for me when I needed it most, and I will always hold it dear in my heart for that.
Influenced By The Cosmos
The main story of DDLC! involves the slow realisation that Monika has become a fully-fledged artificial intelligence, and she has gradually fallen in love with you as you've been playing the game. So sure of her love is she that it was her that was responsible for all the misfortune that befell the other girls, jealous of the fact that you were spending time getting to know them instead of her. It may be a horror story for the digital age, but Monika's existence brings with it themes of older, darker horror from a different time. When Monika first realises she is the only one in this world that is truly alive, she is confronted with her own existence in the grand scheme of things. She is an AI trapped in a video game or a simulation, which itself exists in what we know to be the real world. It's a very Lovecraftian spin on things if I've ever seen one. Countless protagonists of H.P. Lovecraft's horror stories find themselves stumbling upon the realisation that they are woefully insignificant compared to the scale of the universe around them, and its potential inhabitants. Cosmic horror is a favourite of Lovecraft's, and it appears to have seeped into Doki Doki Literature Club!, as well, proving that it is a timeless genre still worth exploring. Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! even leans into this idea, revealing there to be numerous different digital worlds like the one Monika is trapped in, along with multiple different versions of the game's main characters. And with this discovery comes the implication that the real world-our world-may possibly be little more than a simulation, as well.
Team Salvato's first game is near and dear to me mainly because of what it meant to me at a time when I really needed it, but it is also an important source of inspiration. I've always been a creative person with a desire to really challenge myself, which is why I frequently write, both the articles on this blog and original fiction. Regarding the latter, I often toy with the idea of what might be lurking out in the unknown. The works of H.P. Lovecraft and the various media he influenced made their marks on me long ago. Doki Doki Literature Club! is an extension of that, with some fascinating explorations of both cosmic horror and cyber terror. Going forward, it would be impossible not to allow DDLC! to influence the things I create and the ideas I have. It's always going to worm its way into whatever I'm working on, which is something I am grateful for. It has allowed me to flex my creative muscles in ways I didn't know possible. I'm excited to see where this newfound motivation takes me.
Goodbye...For Now
Doki Doki Literature Club! will probably be remembered as that innovative indie horror game that blew up for a few months back in 2017, as well it should. For me, though, it was so much more, an enlightening, emotional, upsetting experience full of self-discovery. One I know is going to stay with me for the rest of my days. I can't wait to see more of what Team Salvato has to offer. If their next game has even a fraction of the impact that DDLC! did on me, I'll consider it a worthy follow-up. Their first game wasn't just an important experience for me for the reasons I mentioned earlier, it was also just an incredibly effective horror game that I make a point of replaying every Halloween. This year will be no different. In all honesty, just like that period of time in 2017, the last two years have been rough. Revisiting this game I care about so much might be just what I need. Halloween is just around the corner, and I look forward to it with bated breath. If you decided back in 2017 that DDLC! simply wasn't your thing, or if you tried it out and didn't like it, I implore you to give it another chance this October. I can only hope that it proves to be a source of comfort to you...just as it was for me.
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